Happy Asexuality Awareness Day!
What happens when you take Sexuality out of Kink or BDSM? What joy comes out of it if not sexual gratification? What even is an Ace and why do Asexuals take part in the Kink community?
Asexuality is a spectrum in which an individual experiences little to no sexual attraction. On this spectrum you may or may not experience having a sex drive, some are sex positive and some are sex repulsed. It all depends on the individual. Some examples of this are Demisexual, Lithosexual, and greysexual.
People who are on the Ace spectrum can find Kink to be a satisfying experience even if it is not in a sexual way may recieve pleasure. Kink is not required to be sexual or have sex to participate as seen with professional Doms/Domme who keep their client base and their sex life separate.
There are Asexual players like myself that engage in sadistic play or sensual play and many others. There is no limit on how an Ace might play and scenes can be just as hot if not hotter for fulfilling a role that is not driven by the desire for sex. For some sex may be negotiable for others it may not. Alot of ace people have a hard stop at anything sexual while some are fully willing so remember to ask first.
As a general guide I have supplied the following examples but please keep in mine this may not suit everyone. This is not a complete guide by any means.
Sex-repulsed Ace- will not engage in sexual contact with you. Please be respectful of this.
Sex-neutral Ace- doesn’t care about sex but doesn’t despise it either. Ask before play.
Sex-positive Ace- has a sex drive and may enjoy sex while not being sexually attracted to you. Ask first.
Demisexual- will only have sexual attraction to those they have strong emotional bonds with. Partners they have known and trusted for a long time. Ask first.
Lithosexual- likes the idea of sex until it is put into practice. Loses interest completely afterwards because the idea is a fantasy and reality never meets expectations. I would not ask for sex if you want to keep this person around.
greysexual- someone who may experience a sex drive but only part of the time for example once or twice a year. I would let them come to you with the idea.
I hope this helps you to understand Asexuals and Kink a little better.